Disappointment

When my grandma was elderly, she gave a picture from her bedroom to one of her grand-daughters. She didn't know that my Mom had always loved that picture (a little girl, looking at a bird) because she remembered it from her own childhood. My mom asked her mother where it had gone, and felt devastated when she was told it had gone to her niece. Grandma felt bad, too, when she realized how much it meant to my Mom.

But Mom never said anything to her niece, because she understood that she hadn't meant anything bad by asking Grandma for it. How could she know? My Mom tried to get over her sadness by reminding herself that it was just a picture, that no one had hurt her on purpose and that she had never told anyone her own wishes about it. She was still sad, but she put it in perspective and moved on.

For Christmas that year, her niece gave the picture to my Mom. (Maybe the little bird told her?) I wonder if my Mom treasures this picture doubly now, not only because of her childhood memories but also because it reminds her of the reality of loss, disappointment and unmet expectations while reflecting the triumph of clarity, sacrifice and love.

I had a disappointment yesterday, and I cried. Like my Mom, I comforted myself with knowing that no one knew what I expected or how I felt, that it was just a physical thing and that no one hurt me on purpose. I also reminded myself that the Lord is aware of all of us, and will bless and compensate us according to our needs. I'm still disappointed, and I'm still a little sad. But the clarity of understanding, the sacrifice of selfishness and the love of God win the day.